| (no subject) |
[Apr. 26th, 2004|02:54 am] |
i wish i could put words in my own mouth
i have so much to tell you
i want you to know that you are beautiful
i want you to love me
i think our time together is so slow
i believe you are the answer to my depression
i can't live without you
i don't want to change you
i don't want to be without you
i swear that you are an angel
i could die while i am with you
i would be happy |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 23rd, 2004|01:25 am] |
| [ | Defcubusal Feels |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | Music of the Moment |
| | a perfect circle pet | ] |
news: sitting around waiting and wondering if someone is going to stand me up tonight.
probably so... |
|
|
| yea.. |
[Apr. 22nd, 2004|07:39 pm] |
| [ | Defcubusal Feels |
| |  mellow | ] |
| [ | Music of the Moment |
| | some band called cursor on this promotional website | ] |
I got pretty much nothing done today. I've accomplished... jack.
Watched Donnie Brasco. Johnny Depp, Al Pacino. Pretty good.
I think I'm gonna go listen to Pink Floyd. |
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|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 20th, 2004|12:32 am] |
| [ | Defcubusal Feels |
| |  pissed off | ] |
| [ | Music of the Moment |
| | pink floyd - the wall (still stuck in my head) | ] |
everyone count on mary and derek to team up and tell me everything that is wrong with me at 12:00 am on 4:20. I guess i'm gonna celebrate early. here's to what i thought was friendship...
and here's to what i thought was family...
don't make me go here's to what i thought was respect.
fuck you people.
in other news, i watched a bunch of tv today with hannah, watched half of clockwork orange, had my car's oil changed, and had burger king... um. thats it, smoked a few cigarettes
why do people hate me? |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 17th, 2004|10:22 pm] |
| [ | Defcubusal Feels |
| |  gloomy | ] |
| [ | Music of the Moment |
| | too disgusted to listen to music right now | ] |
the end of the world has to be close
i watched the news for like 5 minutes
tonight
endless sexual offenders
online and off
a man baked a child in the oven
and this was his second time
the first he was charged for killing
his sister
and found innocent
because of insanity
drive-by shootings
i hope i live through the night
and tomorrow night
monday is too far away |
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|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 17th, 2004|03:59 am] |
| [ | Defcubusal Feels |
| | high | ] |
| [ | Music of the Moment |
| | a perfect circle - orestes | ] |
i need a job. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 15th, 2004|10:22 pm] |
| [ | Defcubusal Feels |
| |  flirty | ] |
| [ | Music of the Moment |
| | smashing pumpkins - 1979 | ] |
i got new clothes today. actually they were used.
anyhow i left some behind cause i'm so fucking broke i couldn't even afford second hand clothes barely.
finally got my car back today, for now, should find out soon whether or not someone wants to buy it.watched tv for awhile with that freaky hannah girl. thats the news.
til later |
|
|
| yes. i know its early. |
[Apr. 15th, 2004|04:28 am] |
... my fan is making a wierd noise. it sounds like it's singing. ... like ooooooOoaaahhhhOooOoeeeeE.
anyhow. i'm making a journal. just for the strict purpose of me not neglecting it. i have a lot of stuff to say but i'm either to lazy and/or it's too private .
listen to TOOL.
and go to sleep.
goodnight. |
|
|
| One More Lonely Night |
[Apr. 13th, 2004|01:00 am] |
| [ | Defcubusal Feels |
| | nerdy | ] |
| [ | Music of the Moment |
| | cat stevens - the wind | ] |
it kinda reminds me of this song i wrote a long time ago. Either way its for the better because you can't get burnt out by people, so a lonely night has its plus side and its negative. I think i'm gonna blaze before i go to sleep, so I can go to sleep thinking about how perfect my life is, because when someone tells me how fucked up it is, including myself, they are wrong, because i made my life this way, and i'm glad. I can lie in bed and think about how wonderful she is. I can lie in bed and dream about music. Yes getting stoned will be very benificial to this lonely night of mine.
[ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<walks [...] room,>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] it kinda reminds me of this song i wrote a long time ago. Either way its for the better because you can't get burnt out by people, so a lonely night has its plus side and its negative. I think i'm gonna blaze before i go to sleep, so I can go to sleep thinking about how perfect my life is, because when someone tells me how fucked up it is, including myself, they are wrong, because i made my life this way, and i'm glad. I can lie in bed and think about how wonderful she is. I can lie in bed and dream about music. Yes getting stoned will be very benificial to this lonely night of mine.
<walks into room, smokes, shuts off light> |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 12th, 2004|10:04 pm] |
| [ | Defcubusal Feels |
| | pleased | ] |
| [ | Music of the Moment |
| | lake of fire - kurt. | ] |
look around you.
no one likes you.
except me.
why did you leave me?
i wrote that a long time ago and forgot about it
i just now remembered it.
today i finished a solo for one of my songs, i've been playing guitar for like 2 years and i've never had a solo before. i'm either lame, or i've been waiting for the right time. but i haven't been waiting for the right time, i guess that means...
i love all my friends. every single one of them. and i love all of you. and i love my guitar.
anyhow i hope that if you read this you have good reason too, instead of wasting your time passing time. by the way, thinking i am cool and that i write cool stuff, is a good reason.
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|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 10th, 2004|11:30 pm] |
| [ | Defcubusal Feels |
| | excited | ] |
A Perfect Circle - Fucking amazing. as expected... played very well. the light show was PHENOMENAL.. like another member of the band.
The Mars Volta - unexpectedly played only 4 songs. bummer. the good thing was all 4 were like 20 minutes LONG. Fucking amazing, better than i thought they would be, omar played guitar like a god. and thats not just me saying that because i'm excited, i play guitar, i know good guitar, he played so well hendrix would have cocked his eyebrows. the biggest problem with the show was i couldn't hear the vocals. kinda sucked cause cedric is a great singer. |
|
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| mars volta and a perfect circle |
[Apr. 10th, 2004|01:46 pm] |
i'm going today i'm 99% sure its gonna fuckin rock. that other 1% is that it will rock. and when i get back i'll tell you about it.
peace. |
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| deeeaaaaarrrr diary! |
[Apr. 10th, 2004|01:16 am] |
| [ | Defcubusal Feels |
| | good | ] |
| [ | Music of the Moment |
| | tool - demon cleaner. | ] |
why am i in the mood to pump myself full of drugs tonight?
do i want to die?
i'm not famous yet.
i think i'll wait.
i guess i'll just keep smoking tha reefer. cause it makes me happy enough.
i'm not thinking rationally today, everyone seems so opposite of their normal selves... that being said. i'm normally not in a good mood. today i am. i seriously need to get out more though. i've been playing halo all day, i want to beat it in everyway possible... i've already gotten my moneys worth out of it though. i'm just odd i guess. i can't think of anything else to say, oh yea, i just watched this time/life 60s rock thing, it was fucking rad. later. |
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|
| i don't know why i wrote this.... |
[Apr. 9th, 2004|12:48 pm] |
| [ | Defcubusal Feels |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | Music of the Moment |
| | incubus - warning | ] |
hiding in the backseat of my car
kneeling in the deepest of my scars
you have been difficult to understand
and now i know why
i've grown afraid of anticipation
all i have to anticipate is deceit
lies, fraud, treachery
can i bleed as fast as i think?
only you know
sometimes if you look up
you can see me falling
and screaming
my silhouette almost beautiful
when drawn up to the clouds
where do i land?
only you know
thank you for failing me
thank you for hating me
thank you for losing me
holding my heart in your hands
you hold the reins
will you use my heart for inspiration?
only you know
to others our relationship
is boring
to some we are tasteless
fuck them
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
i love you. |
|
|
| what are you doing to change the world? |
[Apr. 9th, 2004|03:52 am] |
| [ | Defcubusal Feels |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Music of the Moment |
| | i got one of my own songs stuck in my head.. | ] |
just a question...
21 grams was an awesome movie. everyone should watch it right now, and if you don't then you are missing out buddy. i was just sitting there wondering why people don't call me. you know my number. give me a call.
i'm going to bed
peace |
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|
| i could sleep forever.... |
[Apr. 8th, 2004|02:07 pm] |
| [ | Defcubusal Feels |
| | bitchy | ] |
| [ | Music of the Moment |
| | none, surprisingly enough. | ] |
tomorrow could be so far away
that i can never reach it
today is as close as it comes
i could sleep forever
yeah. the mood up there says bitchy. i am bitchy.. so it wasn't a mistake. finally got a piece of crap resume done.. whos proud of meeeeeee?? |
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|
| oh yea.. did i mention? |
[Apr. 8th, 2004|04:14 am] |
| [ | Defcubusal Feels |
| | confused | ] |
| [ | Music of the Moment |
| | same as before.. | ] |
that i feel stupid right now.
k, thx for your time. |
|
|
| damn... |
[Apr. 8th, 2004|04:03 am] |
| [ | Defcubusal Feels |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | Music of the Moment |
| | alice in chains - would? | ] |
i knew i wasn't witty. i didn't know i was lame. until now. |
|
|
| she was too good to be true. |
[Apr. 7th, 2004|05:27 pm] |
| [ | Defcubusal Feels |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | Music of the Moment |
| | blindside | ] |
life goes on my friends, if you are reading this. life must go on, because damn what a waste of time and energy imo. anyhow i'm slightly depressed because i'm starting to realize how much i still have left to learn on guitar. but i'm also slightly optimistic because i'm learning quickly. i didn't get away with the mag i wanted to shoplift because i felt like too many people were watching me, so i just went ahead and bought it... haha. damn def's news really are interesting huh. i'm off to get pizza. |
|
|
| surrounding me... |
[Apr. 7th, 2004|12:54 am] |
| [ | Defcubusal Feels |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | Music of the Moment |
| | deftones - dai the flu | ] |
at which point
in this spectrum of life
do i fall to my knees
fall in the leaves
at which point
do i give up
i cannot stop this wireless
powerdrill
that penetrates my skull
where do i find the will
the bottem of my heart is cloudy
its murky
must i dive in
to find my will
or is it uphill
on a plane that is not climbable
horizontal almost
why am i suspended in guilt
why do these thoughts surround me
answer me these questions
and you may have saved my life |
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defcubusal's journal